The 5 Types of Thinking Men

We’ve been working on this for quite some time.

Years, in fact.

After all, the complete and definitive classification of the male population into five distinct cohorts is no simple matter. It requires a conscientious and concerted effort made by world renowned experts well versed in the idiosyncrasies of the masculine psyche.

Luckily, the Moseri tentacles extend out far and wide. Our influence in the most hidden hallways of human cultivation and illumination are legendary. Few organizations are more prepared for this daunting task.

Is every thinking man represented? Does the model account for cultural differences? Did we adequately consider the sociological ramifications? How will history remember our contribution? Will Donald Trump get angry?

These are the transcendental questions we asked our expert panel to take into account before embarking on this monumental quest for enlightenment and wisdom.

However, like the bureaucratic nincompoops that they are, they totally ignored our requests and did their own thing!

So, anyway, here are the 5 types of thinking men:


Philosophers possess the ability to abstractly explore the deepest and most essential questions facing humanity. While they may very well discover solutions to humanity’s most pressing problems, it is doubtful whether anyone will pay attention.


Strategists are always three steps ahead of the pack. While not always the most athletic guys on the team, their uncanny knack for coming out on top easily compensates the slight bulge around their waists.


Financiers can balance the books like few, and more times than not the balance ends up in their favor! They are sharp, hardworking and have a third eye that’s always looking over their shoulder.

Map maker

A Map Maker’s sense of prudence and well kept discipline serve them well. They are awesome at keeping on course, and no one’s ever gotten dunked in a boat they’ve rocked.


Now let’s be honest, reflectionists are not the brightest stars in the sky. But boy do they look awesome in the mirror! Those tight abs and bulging pecs deserve to be showcased in the finest undershirts made by man.

So, now the question remains.

What kind of thinking man are you?

Click here and take our online assessment to find out!

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